


Christmas Carol-ed

by JessAnn



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, F/F, Sanvers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28273611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessAnn/pseuds/JessAnn
Summary: Forced to reckon with the possible consequences of her choices, Alex is shown how the actions of her past and present could have dire effects on her future.A Christmas Carol AU
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer
Comments: 35
Kudos: 55
Collections: Secret Sanvers | A Sanvers Winter Holiday 2020 Event





	1. Choices

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TaFuilLiom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaFuilLiom/gifts).



> Merry Christmas, Jayne! I hope you enjoy reading this! Have a wonderful holiday and a Happy New Year!
> 
>   
> This got a bit angstier than I was anticipating, but I promise a happy ending.

Leaving the noise of the control center behind, the sound of Vasquez’s voice barking orders to Alpha and Delta strike teams faded the closer Alex got to her office. Stopping in front of the closed door, Alex held back an eye roll at the red and green garland, paper snowflakes, and Christmas wreath adorning the area. She loved Kara, but Alex would be damned if she let her sister convince her that the DEO “needed some holiday cheer” ever again.

Pushing the door open, Alex stepped inside as the impending mission filled her thoughts once more. Kara was the reason her agents were gearing up and preparing to head out. 

After receiving a tip that illegal alien weaponry was about to be moved and sold off, Kara, or rather Supergirl, had flown off to do some recon. But the tip had been a trap. A trap set by fucking Lex Luthor, who continued to be a goddamn albatross around her neck. 

They had been able to force Lex underground after foiling his plan to use Leviathan to kill Supergirl. What they hadn’t been prepared for was Lex using that time to rebuild Cadmus. Or for him to reveal his resurrection through the placement of bombs in National City’s most alien populace neighborhoods.

Beyond the rage she felt for the damage he’d done to her city and the citizens she swore an oath to protect, Alex still harbored deep hatred toward Lex for the death of her father. She had made his demise her own personal mission.

Alex placed both hands on her desk, bowing her head and closing her eyes, trying to bring herself back to the current mission: Save Kara. From what, however, Alex wasn’t completely sure. Lex had taunted her with a video of Kara strapped to a table, writhing in pain as her skin glowed with the sickly green hue of kryptonite poisoning. 

Just as she took in a deep steadying breath, Alex heard the sound of footsteps enter her office. She didn’t need to turn around to know who was standing behind her.

“Don’t do this, Alex.”

Alex took one more deep breath before finally standing up straight and turning, her eyes landing on her wife. She could see the anger Maggie was trying to hold back. They’d been together for almost ten years now, married for nearly eight. Alex could read every look no matter how hard Maggie tried to hide her true feelings.

Placing her hands on her hips, Alex looked at the floor. “I have to, Maggie. You know I do.”

“No, you don’t.” 

The harshness of her wife’s voice pulled Alex’s eyes back up.

“ _You_ don’t have to go. You’re the director. You have an entire army of soldiers at your disposal to send in.”

“You’re right. _I’m_ the director. _I_ need to lead my team so that we can find Kara and finally put an end to Lex.”

The anger in Maggie’s eyes seemed to flash as she raised a finger and pointed it at Alex. “You have no idea what you’re walking into. What you need to do is have faith in the people you’ve trained to get the job done.”

Alex ran a hand through her hair as she closed her eyes, trying to keep her own anger in check. “Maggie.”  
  
“No, Alex.” Maggie cut her wife off, stepping closer into her space. “Don’t pull the self-sacrificing bullshit with me. I know it’s Kara out there, but you also have a daughter at home. A daughter who is currently asleep and expecting to see her mother on Christmas morning.”

“It’s not that simple, Maggie,” Alex responded, jaw tight and hands fisted at her sides.

“It should be!” Maggie yelled back. “You promised. When we had Jamie, you promised that you would take a step back, so that you could be there for our daughter. So she could grow up with both of her parents. So she wouldn’t have to experience what you went through when you lost Jeremiah.”

Maggie wasn’t wrong. Alex had promised all of those things. One look into the beautiful, brown eyes of her baby girl, and it had been a no brainer. Alex never wanted Jamie to have to worry if she was coming home or not, and Alex had kept her promise. But Lex had a way of getting under her skin. And Kara had always been Alex’s own kryptonite. 

“It’s Lex and Cadmus,” Alex tried to argue. “We might be able to finally put an end to them.”

“I don’t care! I don’t care that it’s Lex! I don’t care that it’s Cadmus! It could be the fucking Queen of England herself revealing that she’s a White Martian and hellbent on Earth’s destruction, and I wouldn’t care!” Maggie raged, her eyes on fire. “I care about you, and I care about our daughter, and I don’t understand how you don’t see that!”

“Of course, I understand that!” Alex couldn’t hold her own anger in any longer and threw her hands in the air. “It’s my sister, Maggie!” 

“Yeah, well, sometimes I wish-” Maggie cut herself off.

Alex paused before taking a step closer to her wife. “Sometimes you wish what?”

Maggie avoided meeting Alex’s gaze. She hadn’t meant to let the words slip out.

“What do you wish?” Alex asked quietly, refusing to back down.

Finally, looking up into Alex’s eyes, Maggie whispered, “Sometimes I wish Supergirl wasn’t your sister.”

Flinching as though she’d been slapped, Alex took a step back and turned away. She wasn’t completely surprised to hear these words from Maggie. Alex knew she put herself in the line of fire for her superpowered sister time and again, and Maggie had never held back her frustrations over that fact. Hearing those words out loud, though. Alex couldn’t deny the sting they left behind. She angrily walked away and unlocked the gun safe in her office, removing her Maaladorian pistol and Kryptonite blaster and shoving them in her thigh holsters.

Maggie crossed her arms, attempting to reel in some of her anger. “I’m sorry Alex, but you’ve become obsessed with Lex. With Cadmus. I know what he did to Jeremiah, and he deserves to be held accountable for his crimes. But you’re out for blood, and you’re going to get yourself killed.”

With her back still to Maggie, Alex roughly pulled on her magnetic gloves. She couldn’t deny the war raging inside herself. She loved her little girl and her wife more than she ever thought possible. Alex didn’t want to put them in a situation where they’d have to go on without her. But Kara needed her. And if this was her chance to finally end Lex, Alex couldn’t let the opportunity pass. 

Alex finally turned to Maggie. The sadness she now found in her wife’s eyes caused her to hesitate. Alex knew every time she went into the field, she might not come back. This time was no different. But if she could bring Lex down for good, Alex could live with never going into the field again. Never putting herself at risk. She just needed to go out there one more time.

Stepping closer to her wife, Alex pressed a kiss to her temple. “I love you. Tell Jamie I’ll see her in the morning.” And then she turned and walked out the door.

“I hope so,” was the last thing Alex heard her wife whisper as she walked out of the office to lead her agents into battle.


	2. What Was

Alex groaned as she raised a hand to rub at her forehead. The last thing she remembered was seeing Lex slipping into the back of an SUV. They had tracked him to an old warehouse on the outskirts of National City. Of course, Lex had been expecting them. The way that asshole always seemed to be one step ahead infuriated Alex. She’d already decided it was time to start checking for a mole inside the DEO.

Alex’s agents were unprepared for Lex’s Cadmus soldiers. They’d all been enhanced in speed and strength. Alex wasn’t sure what Lex had done to them, but the enhancements had definitely come at a price. The soldiers looked like the walking dead with sickly green skin peeling from their bodies and eyes hazed over in milky white. Despite that, they’d shown little weakness.

Her agents were holding their own as best they could and after fighting her way to the room that held Kara, Alex caught sight of Lex disappearing behind a hidden door. She’d left her team with strict orders to get Kara out no matter what and took off after Lex. The passageway had led Alex to a door that opened to the parking lot outside. Just as she’d raised her gun, the warehouse had imploded, and Alex’s world had gone black.

Dropping her hand away from her head, Alex realized that the ground shifted where it fell. She squeezed her hand into a fist, the ground seeming to sift through her fingers as she did so. Was that…..sand?

As the rest of her senses came back online, the unmistakable sound of the ocean reached her ears. Alex slowly opened her eyes, squinting at the brightness shining down from above. Once her eyes had adjusted, Alex turned her head to the side and found herself laid out on a beach. How the hell did she end up on a beach? Fucking Lex Luther.

Alex closed her eyes once again, checking in with the rest of her body for anything that might be broken. Satisfied that her limbs were all intact, Alex slowly sat upright, groaning and rubbing her hands over her face. When Alex opened her eyes again and looked around, she found that not only was she still sitting on a beach, but there wasn’t another person in sight. Where was her team? The rest of her agents? Had they been able to get Kara out? How the hell was she going to get back to the DEO?

Suddenly another thought dawned on Alex. It was daylight. When her team had headed out for the warehouse, the sun had just started to sink below the horizon. That meant it was Christmas Day. It was Christmas Day, and Alex wasn’t at home with her wife and her daughter.

“Shit.” Alex dropped her head in her hands. Maggie was definitely going to be pissed.

Forcing herself to her feet, Alex was determined to figure out where she was, what had happened at the warehouse, and get home to her family. Alex turned in a circle, taking in her surroundings. A niggling in her brain told Alex that it all looked so familiar, but she couldn’t place why.

Just as Alex started to look around again, a voice spoke up from behind.

“Alex.”

Alex froze. She hadn’t heard that voice in years, but she would know it anywhere. It wasn’t possible. Slowly turning toward the sound, tears filled her eyes at the man standing before her. “Dad?”

Jeremiah Danvers smiled at his daughter. “Hi, Alex.”

“Dad?” Alex repeated, confusion beginning to take over the surprise. She took in her surroundings once again, beginning to wonder if Lex had captured her and was messing with her mind. Or worse. “Oh, fuck, am I dead?”

At the panic taking over Alex’s face, Jeremiah stepped forward and placed his hands on her arms. “You’re not dead. I promise.”

“Then what’s going on? Where am I? How are you here?” Alex’s breathing started to come in short gasps.

Jeremiah moved his hands from Alex’s arms to her face, guiding her to look at him. “Alex, deep breaths. Close your eyes and focus on the ocean. The waves rolling toward the shoreline.”

Doing as her father said, Alex closed her eyes and listened, focusing on the sound of the ocean. Slowly, her breathing returned to normal. Reopening her eyes, Alex studied her father’s face. There were lines around his eyes and specks of grey hair along his temples, but otherwise, Jeremiah looked just as Alex remembered. “Thanks, Dad.”

Jeremiah shrugged, taking a step back. “It always worked when you were little.”

That’s when Alex realized why the beach looked so familiar. It was where her father had taught her how to surf. The waves were always smaller in this area, so it was safer for tiny Alex as she learned how to paddle and pop up on her surfboard.

“You remember,” Jeremiah said softly, as though he could read Alex’s thoughts. Before she could reply, Jeremiah spoke again. “You’ve lost your way, Alex.”

Turning to her father again, Alex’s brows furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

Jeremiah continued as though Alex hadn’t spoken. “I know it’s mostly my fault.”

“I don’t understand.” Alex fully faced her father now.

“I shouldn’t have put so much pressure on you.” Jeremiah sighed, shaking his head.  
  
“Dad!” Alex had had enough. “Please tell me what is going on. How are you here?”

Jeremiah’s eyes softened as he looked at his daughter. “I’m here to show you the past. To show you what has led you to the choices you’re making now. So you can make some changes before it’s too late.”

“Before what’s too late?”

Instead of answering, Jeremiah snapped his fingers. Before Alex could blink, the beach was gone, and they were standing on the balcony of her parents’ house in Midvale. The eaves of the roof and the railing had been adorned with colorful, twinkling Christmas lights. Bushes in the landscaping around the house had also been spun with lights. A blowup snowman was waving from the corner of the balcony as a blowup Santa and penguin rode a polar bear on the front lawn. The decorations were ridiculous, but Alex always looked forward to the time she spent with her father as they worked to set it all up.

Also huddled together on the balcony, a younger Jeremiah was pointing at the night sky while teenage Alex looked through a telescope set up next to the railing.

Alex looked between her father and the memory playing out in front of her. “How did you do that?”

Jeremiah chuckled, “Let’s just call it Christmas magic.”

“Dad, I see it! Come look!” Alex watched as her younger self stepped out of the way so her dad could look through the telescope. She felt a warmth at her back as the other Jeremiah stepped closer.

“This was the Christmas before Kara came to live with us,” Jeremiah quietly stated. “I’ve thought about this night a lot. Just a few months later, and I changed your entire world. I gave you a sister you never expected or asked for.”

Alex spun quickly. “I would never change Kara coming to live with us. She’s my sister.”

“I wouldn’t change it either,” Jeremiah shook his head. “But I would change the expectations I placed on you.”

Snapping his fingers once more, Alex and Jeremiah suddenly found themselves sitting on the roof a few feet from Alex’s childhood bedroom window. Young Alex was sitting on the roof beside the window. Even in the dark, Alex could see the tears sliding down the cheeks of her younger self. Her heart ached for herself in this moment.

“And this was the following Christmas,” Jeremiah said quietly.

Gone were the lights and the blowup decorations. Alex and Jeremiah had attempted to put them up, but the sensory overload had been too much for Kara. Sadly the blowup snowman would never inflate again after Kara had pierced it with her heat vision, unable to handle the sound of the fan inside the decoration. It hadn’t felt much like Christmas this year. The tree was up, but the lights had been left off. The village that had belonged to Alex’s grandmother remained in its boxes, and there had been no family baking of Christmas cookies. Kara’s inability to control her strength had left Eliza fearful of disaster.

Being unable to open presents because Eliza and Jeremiah worried the sound of ripping paper would be too much for Kara’s sensitive hearing had been the last straw for Alex. She had lost her temper, screaming at Kara and blaming her for ruining Christmas. Alex had been sent to her room, the disappointment and anger apparent in her parents’ eyes.

Alex remembered sitting on this roof, and she knew what was coming.

A moment later, Jeremiah’s younger version appeared at the window and climbed out on the roof to sit beside his daughter. He looked up at the night sky before finally speaking. “Alex, I’m sorry. I know this is a lot, and I know things are different now, but Kara doesn’t have anywhere else to go. She needs us, and we need to keep her safe. I need you to keep her safe. Protect her at all costs. If anyone finds out about her, it could get very bad.”

Alex’s breath hitched as she watched her younger version’s eyes squeeze shut. She’d been upset that this girl she didn’t know was in her home and sharing her bedroom for the foreseeable future. Everything she knew had changed. Nothing had remained untouched by Kara’s presence.

Alex was old enough now to admit that some of her anger had been jealousy. She’d been her parents’ sole focus. But a larger part of it had been about her entire life being turned upside down. Despite that, Alex had taken her father’s words to heart.

Jeremiah’s voice next to Alex broke the silence. “That was the biggest mistake I made. I never should have put that on you.”

“Like you said, Kara needed us. We had to keep her safe.”

Jeremiah laid his hand on Alex’s shoulder. “But it should have been my burden, not yours. You were still a kid. And that expectation caused you a lot of harm.”

Before Alex could protest, Jeremiah snapped his fingers. They were suddenly at Midvale High School, watching young Alex place herself between Kara and a girl twice her size. Young Alex pushed the girl back but wasn’t quick enough to dodge the fist that landed on her cheek.

Another snap of the fingers and a slightly older Alex was on the beach pushing her way to the middle of a group of kids. There in the center, Kara was yelling at a larger boy. The boy pushed Kara, and even though she barely moved, Alex stepped up and pushed the boy back. After a stumble, the boy shoved Alex to the ground, causing her to land heavily on her left arm. Alex had spent the next six weeks in a cast.

With the next snap of his fingers, time skipped forward. Alex watched herself in her DEO uniform jump in front of Kara and take a Kryptonite bullet to the leg. Another snap and Alex was leaping onto the back of a Daemonite as it charged toward Kara. Within moments, the Daemonite reached back and sunk its claws into Alex’s back, shaking her loose and leaving her writhing on the ground. The next snap and Alex watched herself heading into the warehouse from the day before. She didn’t need to watch to remember how this one ended.

“Okay, okay. I get it.” Alex reached up and rubbed her forehead. All of the jumping through time had left her head spinning.

One last snap and Alex and Jeremiah were once again on the beach where Alex had woken up.

“There are many more examples I could show you,” Jeremiah stated, worry in his eyes. “You’ve created a bad habit of putting yourself in the line of fire for Kara.”

“She’s my sister,” Alex answered quietly, looking out over the ocean.

“You’re alien, superpowered, nearly indestructible sister.” Jeremiah placed his hand on Alex’s shoulder, urging her to look at him. “Don’t end up like me, Alex. You have a family that loves you and needs you. Don’t leave them the way I left you.”

Alex couldn’t hold herself back. She wrapped her arms tightly around her father and buried her face in his neck. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too, kiddo,” Jeremiah whispered, hugging her back. “I need you to remember that your life is important. Put yourself first. Put your family first. Don’t have any regrets. Promise me.”

“Okay,” Alex sniffled into her father’s neck. “Okay. I promise.”

“I love you, Alex.” Even though he was right there in her arms, Jeremiah’s voice seemed to grow distant.

Alex squeezed tighter. “I love you, too.”

And then everything went black. Again.


	3. What Is

With a gasp, Alex woke. She sat up, finding herself on the couch in her office. Turning and putting her feet on the ground, Alex leaned forward and placed her head in her hands. The encounter with her father was still running through her mind. It must have been a dream. Probably the after-effects of whatever had happened at the warehouse.

Running her hand through her hair, Alex stood and made her way out of the office and toward the command center. She needed answers and to make sure Kara was safe. And then she needed to get home. As Alex turned the corner, Agent Reed was rushing toward her, tablet in hand.

Alex paused, calling out to the agent, “Reed, I just woke up in my office. What happened at the warehouse? I need a status update.”

Moving past Alex, Agent Reed continued around the corner, eyes on his tablet.

“What the hell?” Alex murmured to herself as she continued toward the command center. “We’ll see how much he enjoys being my sparring buddy next time.”

As Alex walked on, Agent Vasquez hurried toward her. “Vasquez, what’s going on?”

Once again, Alex was ignored, and the agent ran past her showing no acknowledgment. Frustrated, Alex spun and reached out to grab Vasquez by the arm. What she wasn’t prepared for was her hand going through the other agent. Confused, Alex stared at her own hand.

Another agent came from behind Alex, headed toward command. “Agent Murphy!” Alex called out and reached to grasp his shoulder. Again, her hand went through her target. Alex clenched the hand into a fist, dropping it by her side. “What the hell is going on?”

Alex walked into command. Stepping up to various agents, she attempted to grab their arm or shoulder, each time finding that her hand moved through them as though she were a ghost. Growing frustrated, Alex began swinging her fists at the agents moving about, hoping at least one would land so she could get someone’s attention.

As she spun around trying to figure out what to do, a dark blue jacket with gold and brown patches on the shoulders caught her attention. “Are you kidding me?”

Alex stalked toward the figure who was watching the screens display various areas around the city. “You come back from the future, and you don’t even tell me?”

Taking a swing, Alex punched at the dark blue-clad arm. This time the punch landed.

“Ow!” Spinning around, Winn clutched his arm, eyes wide.

“Shit, sorry!” Alex held her hands up in front of her. “Wait! You were able to feel that? You can see me?”

“The pain in my shoulder feels like the safest answer here is yes,” Winn pouted, rubbing his arm.

The realization that Winn was standing in front of her hit Alex. Launching herself forward, she wrapped her arms around him. “What are you doing here? Is this about what happened at the warehouse?”

“Kind of.” Returning the hug, Winn gave Alex one final squeeze before stepping back.”You’ve lost your way, Alex.”

Hearing those same words being spoken from before, Alex put her hands on her hips, eyes dropping to the floor. “That’s what my dad said.” Glancing at the agents who were moving and working around them, oblivious to their presence, Alex struggled to keep the bitterness from her voice, “Are you also going to tell me that I have a bad habit of running to protect Kara without worrying about myself?”

“Are you going to punch me again if I do?”

Alex looked at Winn, finding him looking back with one eyebrow cocked in question. She couldn’t help but chuckle as she answered, “I promise I won’t punch you again.” Alex let out a sigh before continuing, “I just want to understand what’s going on.”

Stepping forward, Winn laid his hand on Alex’s arm. “I’m here to show you what your family is going through right now. The effect your choices are having on them.”

Staring at her friend, Alex let his words sink in. She immediately thought of Maggie and Jamie, and Alex’s heart ached knowing she should be at home with them. Her thoughts then turned to Kara, and she realized she still didn’t know if her sister had gotten out of the warehouse and if she was okay. Worries of her wife, daughter, and sister filled Alex’s head as she heard her father’s words again.

Suddenly, Alex’s eyes snapped to Winn, her mind putting the pieces together. As her earlier visit from her father and Winn’s reason for being here now clicked into place, Alex burst out laughing. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Confused, Winn let his hand drop back to his side. “Alex?”

Alex continued to laugh as she stepped a few feet away, hands on her hips, and head tipped back. “Un-fucking-believable.” Alex turned back to Winn. “I’m seriously being Christmas Carol-ed right now?”

Eyebrows furrowed, Winn opened his mouth to speak only to close it again.  
  
Alex ran her hands over her face, still chuckling. A moment later, she let out a gasp, “Oh my god, that means I’m Ebenezer Scrooge.”

Before Winn could respond, Alex started pacing. “Dad was the ghost of Christmas past. You’re the ghost of Christmas present. That means I still have the ghost of Christmas future before whatever the hell this is finally ends.” Alex let out a humorless laugh. “I have a feeling I’m not going to like what I see.”

Stepping in front of Alex to stop her pacing, Winn held his hands up in front of him. “Look, Alex, all I know is what I’m supposed to show you. I don’t know what came before, and I don’t know what comes after, but I can show what’s happening right now. And I think it’s important for you to see.”

Alex wasn’t sure she was ready for whatever was about to happen, but if she wanted to get this over with and get home, the only way out was forward.

“Alright, show me.” Before Winn could move, she reached out and grabbed his arm. “Wait. Please tell me you’re not going to snap your fingers and teleport us. I’m not sure my equilibrium can handle any more of that right now.”

“I wish! That would be so cool!” Winn exclaimed, eyes wide. He then pointed across the room. “I was going to suggest we take the stairs to the med bay.”

Alex and Winn walked across the command center and up the stairs. Approaching the med bay, Alex stopped at the window. She could see Kara still dressed as Supergirl sitting inside the room next to one of the beds. In the bed lay Alex herself.

Watching the visions her father had shown her had been one thing. Those were all memories that Alex had lived through herself. This was something entirely different. Alex was looking at herself as she was now, and if she ever wondered what an out of body experience felt like, this was certainly it.

Looking in on herself, Alex could see bruises on her face and a bandage above her left eye. The blanket on the bed had been pulled aside, revealing a cast on Alex’s right leg. She was attached to a heart monitor and an IV, but thankfully there didn’t appear to be any other necessary machines keeping her body alive.

Kara’s lips were moving, but Alex didn’t possess her sister’s super hearing, so she couldn’t hear what was being said. As she watched Kara reach forward and take hold of her hand, she heard someone approaching from behind. Alex turned and felt the air rush out of her lungs at the sight of her wife.

Maggie walked toward the med bay, but instead of going in, she took a seat on a chair in the hallway. Seeing her wife was all Alex had been wanting, but as she took in Maggie’s appearance, Alex’s stomach dropped. Dressed in joggers and a long-sleeved t-shirt with her hair thrown into a messy bun told Alex that Maggie had rushed here from home, more worried about the state of her wife than her own appearance. Maggie’s red, puffy eyes made Alex feel even worse, knowing she had been the cause.

As she continued to look her wife over, another person walked up and took a seat next to Maggie. Alex watched as her mother reached for Maggie, pulling her into a hug.

“Thank you for coming,” Maggie said quietly into Eliza’s shoulder.

“Of course, Sweetheart.” Eliza pulled back and cupped Maggie’s cheeks. “I will always be here when _any_ of my girls need me.”

Maggie nodded as a tear slipped down her cheek. She quickly reached up to wipe it away, sitting back in the chair and taking a deep breath. Alex watched them sit in silence before Maggie finally spoke again. The next words out of her wife’s mouth were a punch in the gut.

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

Reaching over to place her hand on Maggie’s, Eliza sat quietly, giving her room to say more if she wanted. A few more tears fell, and Maggie let them.

“I love Alex so much. I love our family. And I know she loves us. She would move heaven and earth if it meant that Jamie and I were happy and safe.” Maggie shook her head. “But with his determination to kill Kara, Alex has become obsessed with Lex and Cadmus. She’s taking risks and breaking promises.”

Alex could feel tears prickling in her own eyes. She took a step closer as Maggie let out a shuddering breath and continued speaking. “Jamie’s starting to notice. I don’t know how many more lies I can tell our little girl about why Mommy isn’t there to tuck her into bed. She was so upset last night because she didn’t want Alex to miss Christmas. It broke my heart, but I didn’t know what to say. I don’t know what to say anymore.”

A sob escaped Maggie as Eliza wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. “I know, Maggie, I know. Believe me. I have no doubt how much you love Alex, but I also understand there comes a point when protecting your child has to come first.”

Eliza pressed a kiss to the top of Maggie’s head before resting her own against it. “I know I wasn’t a perfect parent, especially to Alex. It’s taken a lot of work and a lot of conversations for us to get to where we are. Things still aren’t perfect, and I know Alex still holds some hurt for how I treated her over the years. I don’t blame her for that.

But I’m worried about this path she’s chosen. I didn’t realize the grudge she held over Jeremiah’s death. She kept asking me for all of the details from when he was found. No matter what I told her it was never enough. She kept digging and telling me what she had discovered and asking question after question. I loved Jeremiah very much, but even before he died, he’d been gone for so many years. I’m ready to move on. I’ve been ready to move on. But Alex is making that impossible, and I’m worried it’s going to destroy our relationship.”

“I’m so sorry, Eliza,” Maggie whispered.

“I know, Sweetie.”

The two women fell into silence as Alex stood in front of them, stunned. She had been so stupid. So focused on her own hurt, her own mission, she hadn’t realized the damage she had caused to the people she loved.

Alex moved forward and crouched in front of her wife. As much as she wanted to pull Maggie into her arms, Alex knew her wife wouldn’t be able to feel it. Alex reached out and let her hand hover over Maggie’s knee, hoping she could pass along some comfort.

“I am so sorry, Maggie. I love you and Jamie so much. Please forgive me.” Alex didn’t hold back the tears that slid down her cheeks.

A hand on her shoulder caused Alex to jump. She’d forgotten Winn was there with her. Wiping her eyes, Alex stood and turned to him. “Please send me back, Winn. I have to fix this.”

Sadness filled Winn’s eyes. “I can’t, Alex. I’m sorry. That’s not part of my mission.”

“Righ, I still have to see the future,” Alex said as she ran a hand over her face. “I don’t really need any more evidence to realize what an idiot I’ve been.”

“I know you’ll make it right.” Winn pulled Alex into a hug. “Unfortunately, this is where I leave you.”

Alex wrapped her arms around Winn, holding on tightly. “Thank you, Winn.”

“Anytime, Alex.”

Alex could hear Winn’s voice becoming distant and that everything around her was beginning to dim. She pulled away from the hug, stepped back, and punched Winn on the arm.

“Hey!” he yelped. “You said you wouldn’t punch me again!”

Alex pointed a finger at him, “That’s for being gone so long and not visiting.”

Rolling his eyes, Winn nodded, “Yeah, I deserved that.”

Then he was gone, and Alex’s world went black once more.


	4. What Will Be

Drifting toward consciousness for a third time, Alex found herself laying down again but kept her eyes closed for a few more moments. She was seriously getting tired of this. Watching what her father had to show her had been difficult, but knowing Maggie and her mother were both so close to giving up on her? That nearly broke Alex. 

Finally opening her eyes, Alex stared at a ceiling she didn’t recognize. She sat up, looking around at the unfamiliar, rundown apartment she was sitting in the middle of. The couch below her had seen better days. A small flat-screen television sat on a shelf against the opposite wall. A sad-looking Christmas tree with half of its lights burnt out stood next to the television. To Alex’s left was a kitchenette with a refrigerator that looked like it had come straight out of the 1950s, a small sink, and a hotplate. A few food items were stacked on top of the refrigerator, and mismatched plates and cups were stacked on an open section of the countertop. Looking to the other side of the room, Alex could see a full-size mattress held up on wood pallets, with a single pillow and a sheet and blanket pushed to the end of the mattress. A messy pile of clothes sat next to the bed. There was a door next to the bed that Alex assumed led to a bathroom. Considering the rest of this apartment, she could imagine what it probably looked like.

If Alex was correct in her belief that she was living out a real-life version of _A Christmas Carol_ , then she was in a future that hadn’t yet happened. She’d never seen this apartment before, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to know why she was sitting in it now. 

Leaning forward, Alex rested her elbows on her knees, running her hands through her hair. “Who the hell would live in a place like this?”

“You do.”

Alex jumped to her feet at the sound of the voice behind her. She spun around, taking a defensive stance as her eyes landed on a young woman with familiar features. When the other woman didn’t appear to be a threat, Alex dropped her hands. She couldn’t stop herself from staring and wasn’t sure she believed what she was seeing. Then the young woman gave Alex a soft smile, and the hint of dimples appeared on her cheeks. Her mama’s dimples.

“Jamie?” Alex asked in wonderment.

The young woman’s smile grew wider. “Hi, Mom.”

Alex stepped closer to her daughter. The last memory she had was of helping her four-year-old decorate cookies for Santa. And now a fully grown Jamie was standing in front of her. The thought of having lost everything in between made Alex’s heart sink.

Taking Jamie’s face in her hands, Alex let out a watery laugh, “Oh my god, look at you. You’re all grown up.” Her eyes traced over her daughter. “You look so much like your mama.”

Jamie reached up and lightly wrapped her hands around Alex’s wrists. “That’s what you always say.”

“Do I?” Alex asked, brushing Jamie’s hair behind her ears. At Jamie’s nod, she laughed again and added, “Well, it’s true.”

Suddenly, Jamie’s previous words caught up to Alex. She stepped back and looked around. “Is this really where I live?”

Sadness took over Jamie’s features. “Yeah, it is.”

A weight dropped in Alex’s stomach. She didn’t want to ask the next question in her mind, but she needed to know. “What about you? And Maggie?”

Jamie bit her bottom lip, dropping her eyes to the floor. Her resemblance to Maggie was throwing Alex completely off balance. She reached out and placed her hand under Jamie’s chin, coaxing her daughter to look at her. Once Jamie’s eyes met hers, Alex said quietly, “It’s okay. You can tell me.”

“Can I show you?” 

The question confused Alex, but she nodded anyway. She took a small step back, preparing herself to be teleported. To her surprise, Jamie stepped closer and placed her hands on either side of Alex’s face, fingertips resting at her temples. 

“Close your eyes,” Jamie whispered.

Alex did as she was told, and as soon as her eyes were closed, images began flickering through her mind. When they stopped, she was looking at herself and Maggie standing in their living room. A Christmas tree stood in front of the sliding glass doors that led to the deck. Colorful lights and ornaments filled the tree. Front and center was Jamie’s “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament. Maggie had surprised Alex with the ornament the Christmas before Jamie was born. Four stockings hung over the fireplace because once Jamie had been old enough to understand traditions, she had insisted that Aunt Kara needed a stocking. Alex wasn’t sure how much of that was Kara’s influence.

The cheerfulness of the decorations was a stark contrast to the tension in the air. Maggie’s eyes were filled with anger, but they were also red as though she’d been crying. She was standing with her arms crossed as Alex watched herself pace back and forth, hands running through her hair. 

“Please don’t do this, Maggie,” Alex could hear herself pleading.

Maggie sniffled, but there was an edge to her voice. “I don’t want to, but you’ve left me no choice.”

“Of course you have a choice!” Alex burst out, throwing her arms open.

“Lower your voice,” Maggie warned through gritted teeth.

Alex took a deep breath, eyes closed and hands clenched at her sides. “She is my daughter. You can’t just take her away from me.”

The sound of feet hurrying down the stairs caused them both to turn their heads. Maggie took a step closer to Alex. “Get your shit together and prove that you’re willing to make us a priority. Make _her_ a priority. Until then, we’ll be staying with Eliza.”

Maggie stepped away and moved toward the stairs, taking Jamie’s hand when she got to the bottom. She tried to make her voice as cheerful as possible. “Are you ready, Bug?”

“Yep! I found Jellybean. Can he come to Grandma’s house, too?” The little girl held up a purple bunny. 

“Of course he can,” Maggie replied softly.

Jamie turned and looked at Alex. “Is Mommy coming with us?”

Maggie also looked at Alex as she answered, “Not right now, Baby. Mommy has important things to work on.”

“Okay,” Jamie said quietly. 

Maggie led Jamie out of the house, and Alex watched herself let her family leave. She kept her eyes closed, but she could feel tears on her cheeks. “How could I let that happen?”

“I don’t know.” Alex could hear sadness in Jamie’s voice as she answered.

Before Alex could say anything else, a montage of events began rolling through her mind. Each one appeared to be a school event of some sort: plays, science fairs, sports. In every single one, Maggie was there alone, and Alex could see her expression harden as each event went by.

Jamie’s voice filled Alex’s ears. “At first Mama made excuses for you. As time went by, and you continued to not show up, I started rationalizing your absence while Mama just got angry. Eventually, I stopped expecting you to show up.”

The montage came to an end, and Alex found herself looking at what appeared to be a high school graduation. Standing at a podium in front of a crowd of cap and gown-clad students and a gathering of family and friends was Jamie. Her own gown was adorned with a golden stole and cords. 

“I was valedictorian.”

Alex’s chest filled with pride until she saw the look of sadness cross Jamie’s face behind the podium before she started her speech. Alex found Maggie in the crowd and the empty chair next to her. A chair that Alex was sure was meant for her. How could she have missed her own daughter’s graduation?

Before Alex could speak, a different image filled her mind. This time she was in the DEO standing at a desk across from Lucy. 

“I’m sorry, Alex,” she heard Lucy say.

Alex watched herself pull her guns from their holsters and drop them heavily onto the desk. She saw her own jaw clench as she reached into a pocket and pulled out her DEO badge before tossing it onto the desk and walking out of the office.

“What happened?” Alex asks out loud.

“You were fired,” Jamie answered. “You took a group of agents on an unsanctioned mission. You were already on probation, and they had brought Aunt Lucy in as interim director. You tracked Lex to a bunker in the mountains, but Lucy wouldn’t give you approval to go after him. You convinced a group of agents to go with you anyway. Only half of them came back alive.”

Unable to believe what she had allowed her life to become, Alex watched as the apartment she was standing in came into view. She saw herself laying an assortment of weapons out along the kitchen counter as Kara stood nearby, arms crossed over her chest.

“I’m not helping you with this, Alex,” Kara stated.

Alex continued assembling the weapons laid out in front of her. “I didn’t ask you to.”

Kara uncrossed her arms and placed her hands on her hips. “You can’t go in there alone. It’s a suicide mission.”  
  
Alex didn’t respond. Picking a black bag up off the floor, she began filling it with the weapons on the counter.

“What about Maggie and Jamie? They wouldn’t want you to do this,” Kara pleaded.

“You think I don’t know that?” Alex yelled, angrily zipping the bag closed before turning on her sister. “That I don’t know how disappointed Maggie is in me? My own daughter, who barely speaks to me? I’ve ruined everything, so what does it matter anymore? If I’m going to go out, I might as well take Lex with me.”

“Alex, please don’t do this,” Kara begged, tears falling on her cheeks.

Picking up the bag, Alex swung it over her shoulder and walked to the door. She opened it, but paused and turned her head in Kara’s direction. “I love you. Please tell Maggie and Jamie that I love them, too.” And with that, Alex walked out the door, leaving Kara alone in the apartment.

Watching her sister stand in the empty apartment and cry, Alex whispered, “What did I do?”

The scene shifted once again, and Alex was looking at a cemetery. She tried to shake the image away, but Jamie held onto her face. 

“No, please.”

Jamie remained silent as Alex watched Maggie walk toward a headstone. Her wife had aged, streaks of gray running through her hair. A shiver ran down Alex’s spine as she read her own name etched in stone. Maggie sank to her knees, pulling the dead, wilted flowers from the vases on either side of the stone and replacing them with the fresh flowers she had carried with her.

“Jamie started her senior year at Stanford today. I hate how quiet the house is when she’s gone.” Maggie pulled a clump of weeds that had started to grow next to the headstone before continuing, “You would be so proud of her, Alex. She’s so much like you. I wish you could see it.”

Alex watched as Maggie hung her head, hand resting on the front of the headstone. 

“I’m so sorry, Alex. I’m so sorry for giving up on you. I should have fought harder. For you, for us, and for Jamie.” Maggie brought her hand to her lips, placing a kiss on her fingertips before gently laying them back on the headstone. “I love you, Alex. Forever.”

Letting out a cry of anguish, Alex pulled away from Jamie, shaking her head. “No more. I can’t watch any more.”

“I know how hard it is, but you need to know. You need to see what will happen if you don’t realize how your choices are affecting the people around you.”

Alex dropped to the couch, taking her head into her hands as everything she had witnessed played over and over in her mind. How could she have let her life get so out of control? This wasn’t her life. This couldn’t be her life.

Looking up at her daughter, Alex asked, “Is it too late to change the future? Is this what my life is destined to become?”

Jamie gave her mother a soft smile. "It’s never too late to change your future.”

Sobs wracked her body as Alex took in Jamie’s words, but she also felt hope. She wouldn’t let her life become this. She wouldn’t lose her family to her own selfishness.

As she began to build a plan to change the course her life was taking, everything went dark.

  
  



	5. Promises

With a jolt, Alex was awake. Her eyes flew open, and she took in her surroundings. She was lying in the med bay, which was not a great sign, but hopefully, that meant her own weird version of _A Christmas Carol_ was over. 

Remembering what she had seen during her time with Winn, Alex reached a hand to her forehead and found the bandage over her left eye. She then glanced down the bed, saw the blanket pulled aside, and her right leg in a cast just as it had been in her...dream? Vision? Whatever it was, Alex hoped the parallels ended there.

Movement across the room caught her eye, and Alex realized that Maggie was standing with her back to the bed, watching as agents moved about on the other side of the glass wall. Alex was hit with a feeling of déjà vu, but this time she was to blame for waking up in this bed.

“Maggie?” Alex called out softly.

At the sound of her wife’s voice, Maggie turned and quickly moved toward the bed.

“Alex.” 

The relief in Maggie’s voice was too much for Alex. Silent tears began to slide down her cheeks as she reached for Maggie’s hands. Concern filled Maggie’s eyes as she placed her hands in Alex’s. “What’s wrong? Does something hurt? Do you need me to get Dr. Hamilton?”

Alex took in a shuddering breath as her mind was flooded with the visions her visitors had shown her. “I’m so sorry, Maggie. I’ve been so stupid. I know I’ve been putting myself at risk. I didn’t want to see it, but my dad reminded me that I need to put myself first. I need to put my family first.”

Confusion crossed Maggie’s face, but before she could speak, Alex continued.

“Winn brought me back here.” Glancing toward the hall outside the door of her room, Alex’s eyes landed on chairs where Maggie and Eliza had sat and confessed their frustrations. Looking back to her wife, Alex squeezed her hands tighter and pulled Maggie closer. “I love our family so much. I don’t want to miss any more nights tucking Jamie into bed. I don’t want you to have to make excuses for me to our daughter.”

“When did you see Winn?” Maggie asked quietly.

Not seeming to hear the question, Alex closed her eyes and shook her head. “Our daughter. I couldn’t believe how much she looks like you when she gets older. She’s going to do so many great things. I want to be there for all of them. All of the plays. All of the science fairs. And believe me, I will be the one cheering the loudest when she graduates valedictorian of her class.”

Maggie chuckled lightly, brushing Alex’s hair behind her ear. “Maybe don’t get too far ahead of ourselves.”

Alex looked Maggie in the eyes. “I don’t want to be anywhere that you and Jamie aren’t. I don’t want to end up living in a shitty apartment. I don’t want my daughter to stop expecting me to be there for her.” Alex paused. There was a tremble to her voice as she added, “I don’t want you to give up on me.”

Moving to sit on the edge of the bed, Maggie pulled Alex into her arms. “I’m not giving up on you, Alex. Ride or die, remember? I love you.”

“Forever?” Alex whispered.

Without hesitation, Maggie whispered back, “Forever.”

The women held onto one another until Alex pulled back and rested her forehead against her wife’s. “I’m ready to make some real changes. To take a step back and reevaluate my priorities.”

Maggie looked at Alex, wariness in her eyes. “What about Cadmus and Lex?”

“I don’t care about Cadmus,” Alex answered, cupping Maggie’s face. “I don’t care about Lex. And if the Queen of England _is_ a White Martian, someone else can stop her from destroying Earth. I just want to be with you and Jamie.”

Leaning forward, Maggie captured Alex’s lips with her own. Alex sank into the kiss, relishing the feeling of being in her wife’s arms and knowing without a doubt that she was exactly where she was meant to be. The moment was broken by the sound of tiny feet running into the med bay.

“Mommy!” 

Jamie launched herself onto the bed. Having inherited Maggie’s small stature, she only made it halfway, legs dangling over the edge. Laughing, Maggie hoisted the girl the rest of the way onto the bed but held her back from moving any farther. “Bug, be gentle. Mommy has some owies.” 

When Maggie released Jamie, the little girl slowly and carefully crawled into Alex’s lap. Stretching forward, Jamie placed a gentle kiss on the bandage above Alex’s left eye and then looked at her mother. “Better?”

“So much better, Baby,” Alex said, pulling her daughter into her chest. The little girl snuggled in and Alex placed a kiss on the top of her head. She was definitely making the right decision.

This wasn’t how she had expected to spend Christmas with her family, but Alex was already planning how she would make it up to Maggie and Jamie. She knew she wouldn’t be missing out on any time spent with her family anymore.


	6. Changes

**One Year Later**

Stepping inside the front door, Alex shrugged off her jacket as a ball of fur tumbled into her legs. As she hung her jacket by the door, Alex looked down at the two-month-old German Shepherd sitting in front of her, tongue hanging out the side of the puppy’s mouth. 

“Hi, Gertie,” Alex cooed as she picked the puppy up and carried her farther into the house. 

After one of Maggie’s colleagues had announced that his dog had had puppies and he was looking for homes for them, she and Alex decided that their daughter was old enough to begin learning about responsibility. The German Shepherd became a surprise early Christmas present for Jamie, and the little girl had been doting on the puppy from the moment she had joined the family.

Alex scratched the puppy’s tummy as she walked into the living room. Looking around the room, Alex smiled at the five stockings hanging from the fireplace mantle now. Jamie had insisted that Gertrude needed one, too. The Christmas tree was lit up, and there front and center was the “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament. 

Alex paused as the vision she’d seen a year ago hit her. Her mind played over the nightmare of Maggie walking out and taking Jamie with her. Her heart began to race until Gertie wiggling in her arms brought Alex back to the present. She placed the puppy back onto the floor as she let out a deep breath and reminded herself that none of what she had seen had happened. She had made sure of that.

As if to further reassure her, Maggie walked into the room, a smile on her face at the sight of her wife. She moved closer to Alex, giving her a quick kiss on the lips. “Hey, Babe. How was your day?”

Alex shook the remnants of the vision from her mind, taking a seat on the couch and pulling Maggie down to sit next to her. “It was a really good day. You remember that Xudarian family whose son was missing that came to see J’onn and me?”

“Yeah, he didn’t come home from school, right?”

“Right,” Alex nodded. “We were able to track him to a shelter downtown. Apparently, he was being bullied at school for being different. He had a huge fight with his parents about their decision to come to Earth. He ran away to try to find passage back to Xudar, but he didn’t have enough money for a trip that far. The boy was so scared of what his parents would do, but the moment they saw him, it didn’t matter. They were so relieved, and just held onto him and kept telling him how much they loved him. Definitely the best outcome to a case that J’onn and I could hope for.”

For the past ten months, Alex had been working with J’onn. After taking time to recover and spend every minute she could with her wife and daughter, Alex had officially stepped down as director of the DEO. It hadn’t taken much convincing to pull Lucy in from the desert base to take over, especially since it meant she was now at the same location as her girlfriend. At the going-away party Kara had insisted on throwing, Alex had noticed that there was a bit more cheerfulness to Vasquez’s usually stoic demeanor. 

As she’d been considering the possibilities of what she could do next, J’onn had approached Alex about joining him in his PI business. It hadn’t been a difficult decision, and after discussing the opportunity with Maggie, Alex had accepted the offer, and J’onzz Investigations had become J’onzz and Danvers Investigations. Alex still worked with the DEO as a consultant. Given her background and expertise in alien biology, physiology, and weaponry, her intellect was unparalleled. But she was done putting her life at risk.

“I’m glad you had a good day,” Maggie said. She leaned forward and kissed Alex softly before resting her forehead against her wife’s. They sat quietly until the sound of feet hurrying down the stairs drifted into the room. Maggie gave Alex one more quick kiss before whispering, “Incoming.”

A moment later, Jamie came barreling into the room, Gertie at her heels. The little girl jumped into Alex’s lap. “Look at my costume, Mommy!”

Alex looked over her daughter. Jamie was dressed in brown trousers with a gray patch sewn onto one of the knees. She also wore a white long sleeve shirt with a buttoned tan vest. A red scarf was tied loosely around her neck and a gray newsboy cap sat on her head. 

Alex thought she might explode from the cuteness. “Oh my god, she’s adorable.”

Maggie leaned toward her wife. “Just wait until you see her with the little crutch.”

“I don’t know if I have enough space on my phone for the number of pictures I’m going to need to take.”

Laughing, Maggie replied, “Don’t worry. Uncle James promised to bring his camera for both film and picture purposes.”

Jamie bounced up and down on her mother’s lap. “Are you excited to see my play, Mommy?”

“So excited,” Alex answered, tickling the little girl’s belly. “Do you remember your line?”

Giggling, Jamie threw her hands in the air. “God bless us every one!”

Alex and Maggie laughed as they peppered their daughter with kisses. After a few moments, Maggie sent Jamie to get her boots and sat on the floor helping the little girl who was still learning how to tie her laces.

As Alex watched her wife and daughter, her heart overflowed. At times like this, she found herself thinking back to the events a year earlier. Alex still wasn’t sure how to explain her visitors and the visions they had shown her. What she did know was that her future was now in her own hands, and she would continue to make sure that her family was at the forefront of that future for the rest of her life.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays to everyone! Thank you for reading!


End file.
